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skully2002
54 days until my birthday... I need to make these count.

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skully2002
FB common sense 101: If you have a job and you're unhappy, don't voice your dissatisfaction over FB. Having a job you hate is better than not having a job at all.

ARGH!! People infuriate me.

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skully2002
I haven't even left my house and I already hate today.

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skully2002
The beach is so close... I can almost smell it.

Crossing the pond!
skully2002
So I'm going to the UK! There are so many places that I want to see, but considering that this will be my first big trip, I thought it best to avoid any language barriers.  London is going to win the main part of the trip, but I'm going to see if I can afford wandering over to Scotland and/or Ireland. Then again, I don't want to stretch things thin.  I want to be able to see as much of England as I can, so who knows.  At least I've narrowed things down :)

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skully2002
It's been almost a year to the day since I had an anxiety attack that landed me in the hospital.

January 2009 saw some changes health wise that I didn't like: accelerated heart beat, shaking, nausea, light-headedness and some chest pressure.  Dad attributed it all to stress given the recent changes in my personal life, but I didn't want to believe it. I was handling things just fine, so he couldn't be right. As the weeks moved on, the issues kept creeping up on me, happening more and more frequently, until they reached their climax on March 8.

I was staying by myself at a Best Western out in Albany. The plan was to assist the Albany office on Monday with some work and it made much more sense for me to get out there the day before as opposed to driving out the day of and having to leave at 5:30am. I hadn't felt quite right all day, but when I tried to go to bed at 11:00pm, it just wasn't happening.  All the symptoms started happening again, except this time, I started losing my vision (one of my tell tale signs that I'm going to pass out) and sweating profusely. As I was all by myself, I picked up the phone and hit speed dial 9 (aka - 911).  My heart rate was through the roof, so they sent paramedics over to the hotel, hooked me up to some machines and decided (given the history of heart disease in my family) to be pro-active and take me over to Albany Memorial just to be safe. After having more tests runs that I can care to remember, they diagnosed my heart as fit and happy (relatively speaking) and essentially gave me a clean bill of health.

I was referred to my primary physician for some monitoring and after a nice conversation with him, we decided to just play everything by ear.  Knowing that my symptoms were essentially stress related, he gave me the options of medication or seeing a Psychologist/Psychiatrist/Therapist of some sort. I wanted nothing to do with that and decided that I just needed to try to gain some control over my own mental well being.  If I couldn't do it, then I would consider those options.

Everything had been going well since that moment. I had found outlets to deal with my stress and hadn't had another attack... until about a half hour ago. I have no recollection of having a dream that would have triggered it but I woke up coughing.  It accelerated from there until I decided it best to get dressed and unlock my front door, just in case I couldn't calm myself down.

I would have given anything at that moment in time to have someone else here, even if it was just a roommate. Someone that I could have knocked on the bedroom door just to say, hey, I need to talk myself down from something. Please, wake up. But I hate the idea of waking someone up with a phone call, so I'm using this as an outlet to keep myself from getting back to where I was a few minutes ago.

It seems to have helped. I'm sitting on the couch in the dark with the TV on. I've stopped coughing (which is something new) and shaking and my heart rate has slowed significantly.

I'll be okay... I think I'm going to try to go back to bed. Or at least back to sleep, even if it means sleeping on the couch.
 

Passport in hand!
skully2002
Europe is a big place... where do I want to go??

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skully2002
I've noticed a pattern: when I fall asleep at night with socks on, I actually sleep through the night... a whole 7-8 hours without waking up. No socks? I'm up at least 3 times.

I hope this only lasts until it gets warm outside because wearing socks in the middle of August probably wouldn't be too comfortable.

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skully2002
Happy S.A.D.! :-)

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skully2002
I just realized that I have 2 weeks of vacation to use by June 1, 2010. 

Time to start planning a trip!

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